Change

While I like to say that I am quick to adapt to change, the truth is that I'm not.  I may not be like my grandparents who have the e-machine we all got them for Christmas one year in their spare room closet because they don't want a computer.  I have embraced the technology age, as you can tell, and don't know how I would live without my computer, cell phone and DVR.  However there are other changes that I balk at.  Right now we are preparing for quite a few changes in our lives that are quite stressful for me. The change that I did not even think would be a problem is the one I have been dwelling on the most lately.

Munchkie is turning two.

I know that I'm being slightly ridiculous, but I'm really struggling with this. I have been looking at old pictures, watching old videos and pulling out some tiny little clothes.  I just can not believe that two years have gone by so quickly.  I always thought two-year-olds were still babies and that it wasn't until they were closer to kindergarten that they became "kids" but that's not the case.  Or maybe Munchkie is closer to kindergarten than I want to admit.  Either way, there is no longer a baby in this family.  I think that because I work with infants and toddlers I see these little babies and realize how big Munchkie really is.  She helps me cook, wipes up her own messes (don't worry, I clean up after her), can put her dishes in the sink, picks out her meals and clothes, and knows every word of every song on her Raffi CD.

Munchkie's Daddy might say that I have "baby fever" and that may be partially right.  Mostly I'm just mourning the loss of my baby.  My baby that would cuddle with me and fall asleep in my arms.  My baby that was so tiny and dependent.  My baby that needed to be fed and clothed.  My baby that was chubby and immobile.

I think part of my mourning is because I know that it will be several years before there is another baby in our family.  Yes, did all of you out there read that.  It will be several years before there is another baby in our family.  Munchkie's Daddy has five more years of school left and I can't even begin to imagine being the breadwinner, keeping up with Munchkie, holding a home together while being pregnant and then supporting a family of four humans and two canines while Munchkie's Daddy is in school.  Not happening. 

And so tomorrow we take Munchkie to get her picture taken for her second birthday, thus starting her birthday celebration.  We will be celebrating her transition from babyhood and I will try not to let my mourning effect my smile.  I will have fun enjoying this stage in our lives.  I will sit and play with my little girl who tells me what to play and how she wants to do things.