A couple weeks ago I picked up Isabella from the after school program and the college/high school student said "oh we didn't know Isabella's mom was around." And I know it wasn't to intentionally hurt me, but man did that punch a hole in my heart.
On Tuesday I came home from work early since the girls didn't have school so Ana could go do something with friends since she'd watched her sister while Chris and I had worked for the last 1.5 days. I said something to Isabella and she said "what does it matter? You're just going to be on your computer all day for work." I told her no, we went to the store and spent the afternoon baking. I never opened my computer and felt the guilt all afternoon.
Today I had a meeting with my director. She told me that last year on her son's first birthday her husband was in the other room singing happy birthday while she was on a virtual meeting about the launch of the pediatric COVID vaccine.
Last night Isabella asked what feminism is.
How do I explain feminism to my girls when all they feel is the absence of their mother?
How do I explain feminism to my girls when I give so much of myself to others all day that when I get home I have so very little left to give?
How do I explain feminism to my girls when my work promises one thing but delivers something completely different?
How do I explain feminism to my girls when I escape into the fiction of a book because reality is just too much to handle?
My daughters see how much I care for my employees and my patients, but do they see how much I love them?
My daughters see my husband doing drop off, pick up and dinner almost every night, but do they see how much I appreciate all he does?
My daughters see my dedication to making the world a better place through my career, but do they see how I want them to be strong women?
I don't know. Is it worth it?
My family is forever. My job can let me go whenever they want.
Is this feminism?
I'm not sure it is.
Does feminism mean I'm the first to leave the house in the morning and the last to arrive in the evening?
That my husband does all the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking?
As well as folding the endless laundry.
I mean, I have a freaking amazing husband, but this "feminism" isn't fair to him either.
Is this feminism? Or advantage of a female who cares?
