Everyone deals with stress in their own way. I know when Munchkie's Daddy is stressed because he talks in his sleep. When we first got married and he was having difficulty finding a job he would yell out in what I can only assume to be Albanian (his college roomate would say the same thing in college). I've been working nights for a few weeks now so we are very rarely sleeping at the same time. I hadn't noticed him sleep talking until the other night. He started laughing and laughing. I wish that I could have known what was so funny. Last night he started talking nonsense again- his usual stress trend. The problem is that my stress trend is that I have a difficult time shutting my brain down. Once I am wakened for whatever reason, I cannot fall back asleep because my brain goes on turbo mode. I cannot shut it off no matter how hard I try. This is not a good combination with a sleep laugher or sleep talker. Oh and I tend to eat everything in site and then this lovely array of zits graces my face. So obviously I don't handle stress very well.
I really appreciate my marriage and the equality we have. I rely very heavily on Munchkie's Daddy to do a lot of the "women's jobs" in our family. We don't have a very conventional life and so we can't have conventional roles. So it shouldn't be a huge surprise to me that at the end of each semester things kind of start to fall apart in our home. Munchkie's Daddy's stress rubs off on all of us. Then my few weeks of nights doesn't help the matter, weird sleep patterns only cause more problems. Needless to say, we have a lot of dirty dishes, a counter full of half made Christmas presents and I really can't tell you the last time a homemade meal was made in our house (we barely got a Christmas tree up, and couldn't do the rest of the decorations). We have been grocery shopping for essentials and food to help us get by. This means a lot of yogurt and fruit because when I'm at work, mac and cheese is a staple and take out gets us by the few nights I'm home. I really appreciate all Munchkie's Daddy does and realize how much he does to hold our family together. I seriously could not do it without him and don't really like when he can hardly do more than write papers.
Stress is the only excuse that I have for not having posted for a ridiculous amount of time. There were so many things going on in our lives that I had to cut something out. I think because I wasn't feeling very creative or like a very good mom I couldn't think of anything to blog about. It was almost to much to just do day to day functions, anything above and beyond was just too much. So now I'm back (and yes, the last paper is due on Tuesday, so that helps). And I'm going to try to be more regular.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Saturday
Thursday
The Evolution of My Diet
**This ended up being much longer than I anticipated. Oops!**
Growing up my mother was extremely health conscious. We hardly ever had processed foods in our house, it was a special occasion when we had sugary cereal, chips, or other junk foods. In fact, when my brother was young he said that every night we had "salad and gross stuff" for dinner. This gross stuff being some kind of baked or grilled meat, fruit and some kind of grain such as rice, cous cous or pasta. I really can't tell you a time I ever saw my mom pull a meal out of the freezer that she had actually bought in the freezer section at the grocery store. She was ahead of her time, preparing what would now be called "whole food" meals, cooking in bulk to freeze and preparing uncooked meals to freeze for a convenience meal later. So although I was still overweight growing up, at baseline, we had a healthy diet.
I first started to notice weight gain the summer after my senior year of high school and before I went to college. That summer I babysat for a family, feeding their children during the day and eating the same foods myself. Their house was completely full of processed convenience foods. We would eat lunch, then a little while later I would be hungry again, so I would have a snack and this vicious cycle continued. By the time I went to college, my clothes were feeling pretty tight and a few months in, I was pretty depressed. Taking the suggestion of my roomate, I went to see a doctor. I ended up doing what a huge amount of young girls do, I started a low dose birth control pill to even out my hormones. During college my weight went up and down over the years and six days after graduation I got married.
What a shock marriage was! We had to buy, plan and prepare all of our food on top of getting used to marriage and working full time. We resorted to eating out or frozen packaged meals for just about every meal. My weight went up and up and up. I joined Weight Watchers and did have some weight loss, but then the weight loss stopped and I got discouraged and realized that almost all of the food that I ate was packaged, carb loaded and full of chemicals because if it was in a package, it was easy to know the point value. This was when I started to read about organic foods. I then heard about Suzanne Somers from my aunt and uncle, so read her book "Eat Great, Lose Weight" and learned about things like glycemic index. I followed her diet, strict as it was, and began to feel pretty good, even lost some weight. But this diet was pretty difficult to follow when you are eating a lot of frozen prepared foods. She divides all food into a few different categories and explains how to plan your meals so that you are eating the rights kinds of foods in the right kinds of combinations. You absolutely can not mix carbs with proteins or fats in the same meal, which means- you can eat that pasta, but make sure there is absolutely no oil on the pasta, the sauce or even on that side salad. That is not easy.
So I resorted back to Weight Watchers again, keeping in the back of my mind the knowledge I learned from Suzanne Somers, knowing that her diet plan really did help me to feel better. I didn't really see any change while doing Weight Watchers a second time and got discouraged. With the addition of a depo provera shot, my weight crept up higher and higher. In the beginning of May 2008 after some lab tests I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and began levothyroxine. I began to feel better and noticed a decrease in symptoms. Then I found out I was knocked up, and we moved across the country (can you say stress?). I tried to eat healthily while I was pregnant, it also gave an excuse to give in to cravings. Then after my beautiful little Munchkie was born in March of the next year I couldn't believe how big I was, which made me depressed, which made me eat more, which made me depressed, you see where this is going.
My obsession with The Biggest Looser led me to Jillian Michael's "Master Your Metabolism." Her scientific explanations made complete sense to me and I felt like she wrote the book for me. Her explanation of how to eat foods, what foods to avoid and food's affect on our bodies really got me thinking and so I began her diet plan. She gives a complete grocery list (which I do not want to even begin to tell you how much I spent) and two weeks of meals and snack recipes. I followed it to a T and began to loose weight. The food prep was exhausting though! I had a baby, was working full time, Munchkie's Daddy was in school and just could not keep up with preparing all of the meals. I began to plateau and it was just enough to cause frustration that resulted in me straying from her meal plan. Again, I kept all of her information in my head and continued to try to follow her basic plan- whole grains at breakfast, lunch and snack, lean meats, lots of veggies with some fruits, no carbs after 4pm and nothing to eat after 9pm. However, I frequently gave into cravings and snacked throughout the evening while in times of stress.
Last fall, I read about a juice detox, as did Munchkie's Daddy and so we began it together. During the two week detox, the side effects were pretty crazy at first- blurred vision, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, cravings, shakiness, but after the the first several days, I began to feel pretty good. I wasn't hungry, I had energy, and I just overall felt pretty well. Then I started introducing foods back into my diet. I ate mostly fruits, vegetables with black beans or hummus for a while and continued to loose weight and feel pretty good. Then as I introduced other foods back in, I began to have cravings again. Munchkie's daddy just doesn't understand these cravings and would always roll his eyes at me. It is like an addiction, I would want something like chocolate cake and it was all that I could think about. I would salivate just thinking about chocolate cake and would not stop until I had some. I tried to do this detox several more times, knowing how good I felt at the end of it, but every time I tried, I seriously could not get the juice down. I would remember how I had to literally gag it down the first time around and could even suck the juice up a straw before I was gagging into the sink.
This summer I heard about and read a book by Tim Ferriss "The 4-Hour Diet." After reading the almost six hundred of pages full of research and crazy tests that he did on himself- including implanting a blood glucometer and checking his blood sugar with finger sticks several times a day to verify accuracy I tried out his eating plan. I really liked that his plan included six days of strict eating plans and then on the seventh day, it's a free day. His plan includes eating vegetables, beans and lean proteins at every meal. No dairy, fruit or carbohydrates of any kind during these six days. Now, I live on dairy, fruit and carbs. This was extremely difficult to do, but as he said, keep track of what you are craving and eat it on the seventh day. Each week it would take several days to go through "withdrawal" and dealing with the intense cravings that consumed my thinking and by the end of the week I would finally be getting over it. I would start feeling great, having more energy, feeling full, eating less, etc. Then the seventh day would come and I would eat all of those things that I had been thinking about all week- yogurt, chocolate, fruit, bread, cake, etc. When the next week began, I would go through all of those withdrawal symptoms again and sometimes, when I was feeling weak, I just couldn't fight them. With the stress of all the changes in our lives, all it took was a bad day at work to send me straight to my friends Ben and Jerry.
For a while I had been telling Munchkie's Daddy that so many people talk about how much better they felt after going gluten free. I really wanted to try it out and he was extremely resistant. See, when I am on my latest diet, he gets sucked in, somewhat unwillingly. These diets were only the major ones that influenced me the most, but I also tried several other ones inbetween. I knew that when I eliminated carbohydrates I felt better, it's just really hard. I read up on gluten sensitivity and while I do not think that I have anything remotely close to celiac disease, I know that my body does better without something- and perhaps it's gluten. So this led me to decide to try gluten free out. One of the blogs that I read frequently, Deliciously Organic, recently posted about reading the book "Wheat Belly" by William Davis and so today when I had a little bit of free time I bought the book and sat in Barnes and Noble reading.
I was immediately drawn into this book. Dr. Davis is a cardiologist in Milwaukee and came upon his term "wheat belly" after he couldn't figure out why he was overweight while running everyday and eating a diet with healthy whole grains. He says that this kind of belly has been called a beer belly because only big beer drinkers had them. But what is beer made of? Grains- wheat, barley. So he terms it a "wheat belly" because it wasn't the beer causing the belly, it was the wheat intake and so now people of all ages and backgrounds have beer bellies. While I'm only partway through the book so far, it makes complete sense why I felt so much better on the 4-Hour Diet, but then couldn't handle the cravings at the start of each week. It also explains why after giving up sweets each Lenton season I have decreased urges to eat sweets, but as soon as my first bite on Easter, all of the cravings are back. Or why after a sugary carb heavy breakfast I feel lethargic and sick to my stomach for a while, then a couple hours later, am starving. He explains (in a very scientific and a little over my head way) how the wheat of today is nothing like the wheat of even 60 years ago. He explains exactly how wheat has been genetically modified- both in nature and by humans to become something almost unrecognizable. Here are a few excerpts from his book that really hit me.
"Flip through your parents' or grandparents' family albums and you're likely to be struck by how thin everyone looks. The women probably wore size-four dresses and the men sported 32-inch waists. Overweight was something measured only by a few pounds; obesity rare.......The women of that world didn't exercise much at all. (It was considered unseemly, after all, like having impure thoughts at church.) How many times did you see your mom put on her jogging shoes to go out for a three-mile run? Exercise for my mother was vacuuming the stairs......And yet, we're getting fatter and fatter every year." (page ix)
"Many overweight people, in fact, are quite health conscious. Ask anyone tipping the scales over 250 pounds: What do you think happened to allow such incredibly weight gain? You may be surprised at how many do not say 'I drink Big Gulps, eat Pop Tarts, and watch TV all day.' Most will say something like 'I don't get it. I exercise five days a week. I've cut my fat and increased my healthy whole grains. Yet I can't seem to stop gaining weight!'" (page 5)
"An interesting fact: Whole wheat bread (glycemic index 72) increased blood sugar as much as or more than table sugar, or sucrose (glycemic index 59), (Glucose increased blood sugar to 100, hence a glycemic index of 100.)" (pages 8-9)
"I still get shivers when a well-dressed, suburban soccer mom desperately confesses to me, 'Bread is my crack. I just can't give it up!' Wheat can dictate food choices, calorie consumption, timing of meals and snacks. It can influence behavior and mood. It can even come to dominate thoughts." (page 44)
"In lab animals, administration of naloxone blocks the binding of wheat exorphins to the morphine receptor of brain cells. Yes, opiate-blocking naloxone prevents the binding of wheat-derived exorphins to the brain. The very same drug that turns off the heroine in a drug-abusing addict also blocks the effects of wheat exorphins." (page 49) He spends the paragraphs before this explaining that it was found that wheat acts in our brain the same way that morphine would, creating a "runner's high."
"What happens if normal humans are given opiate-blocking drugs? In a study conducted at the Psychiatric Institute of the University of South Carolina, wheat consuming participants given naloxone consumed 33 percent fewer calories at lunch and 23 percent fewer calories at dinner (a total of approximately 400 calories less over the two meals) than participants given a placebo. At the University of Michigan, binge eaters were confined to a room filled with food for one hour. Participants consumed 28 percent less wheat crackers, bread sticks, and pretzels with administration of naloxone. In other words, block the euphoric reward of wheat and calorie intake goes down, since wheat no longer generates the favorable feelings that encourage repetitive consumption." (pages 50-51)
I am looking forward to finishing this book and seeing what his suggestions are. The more I read gluten free blogs I see that those who have eliminated gluten don't really even want baked goods that much anymore because they just don't appeal to them. They are able to create all kinds of gluten free goodies now with the help of other flours, but the desire to eat breads or sweets just isn't there. I think that an occasional piece of cake made from alternate flours or rice flour crackers would help me to not feel deprived, but at the same time, not lead to the cravings that I have such a difficult time fighting.
Does anyone have any input here? I would love to hear what others think.
Growing up my mother was extremely health conscious. We hardly ever had processed foods in our house, it was a special occasion when we had sugary cereal, chips, or other junk foods. In fact, when my brother was young he said that every night we had "salad and gross stuff" for dinner. This gross stuff being some kind of baked or grilled meat, fruit and some kind of grain such as rice, cous cous or pasta. I really can't tell you a time I ever saw my mom pull a meal out of the freezer that she had actually bought in the freezer section at the grocery store. She was ahead of her time, preparing what would now be called "whole food" meals, cooking in bulk to freeze and preparing uncooked meals to freeze for a convenience meal later. So although I was still overweight growing up, at baseline, we had a healthy diet.
I first started to notice weight gain the summer after my senior year of high school and before I went to college. That summer I babysat for a family, feeding their children during the day and eating the same foods myself. Their house was completely full of processed convenience foods. We would eat lunch, then a little while later I would be hungry again, so I would have a snack and this vicious cycle continued. By the time I went to college, my clothes were feeling pretty tight and a few months in, I was pretty depressed. Taking the suggestion of my roomate, I went to see a doctor. I ended up doing what a huge amount of young girls do, I started a low dose birth control pill to even out my hormones. During college my weight went up and down over the years and six days after graduation I got married.
| Image from Amazon.com |
What a shock marriage was! We had to buy, plan and prepare all of our food on top of getting used to marriage and working full time. We resorted to eating out or frozen packaged meals for just about every meal. My weight went up and up and up. I joined Weight Watchers and did have some weight loss, but then the weight loss stopped and I got discouraged and realized that almost all of the food that I ate was packaged, carb loaded and full of chemicals because if it was in a package, it was easy to know the point value. This was when I started to read about organic foods. I then heard about Suzanne Somers from my aunt and uncle, so read her book "Eat Great, Lose Weight" and learned about things like glycemic index. I followed her diet, strict as it was, and began to feel pretty good, even lost some weight. But this diet was pretty difficult to follow when you are eating a lot of frozen prepared foods. She divides all food into a few different categories and explains how to plan your meals so that you are eating the rights kinds of foods in the right kinds of combinations. You absolutely can not mix carbs with proteins or fats in the same meal, which means- you can eat that pasta, but make sure there is absolutely no oil on the pasta, the sauce or even on that side salad. That is not easy.
So I resorted back to Weight Watchers again, keeping in the back of my mind the knowledge I learned from Suzanne Somers, knowing that her diet plan really did help me to feel better. I didn't really see any change while doing Weight Watchers a second time and got discouraged. With the addition of a depo provera shot, my weight crept up higher and higher. In the beginning of May 2008 after some lab tests I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and began levothyroxine. I began to feel better and noticed a decrease in symptoms. Then I found out I was knocked up, and we moved across the country (can you say stress?). I tried to eat healthily while I was pregnant, it also gave an excuse to give in to cravings. Then after my beautiful little Munchkie was born in March of the next year I couldn't believe how big I was, which made me depressed, which made me eat more, which made me depressed, you see where this is going.
| Image from Amazon.com |
My obsession with The Biggest Looser led me to Jillian Michael's "Master Your Metabolism." Her scientific explanations made complete sense to me and I felt like she wrote the book for me. Her explanation of how to eat foods, what foods to avoid and food's affect on our bodies really got me thinking and so I began her diet plan. She gives a complete grocery list (which I do not want to even begin to tell you how much I spent) and two weeks of meals and snack recipes. I followed it to a T and began to loose weight. The food prep was exhausting though! I had a baby, was working full time, Munchkie's Daddy was in school and just could not keep up with preparing all of the meals. I began to plateau and it was just enough to cause frustration that resulted in me straying from her meal plan. Again, I kept all of her information in my head and continued to try to follow her basic plan- whole grains at breakfast, lunch and snack, lean meats, lots of veggies with some fruits, no carbs after 4pm and nothing to eat after 9pm. However, I frequently gave into cravings and snacked throughout the evening while in times of stress.
| Image from Amazon.com |
Last fall, I read about a juice detox, as did Munchkie's Daddy and so we began it together. During the two week detox, the side effects were pretty crazy at first- blurred vision, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, cravings, shakiness, but after the the first several days, I began to feel pretty good. I wasn't hungry, I had energy, and I just overall felt pretty well. Then I started introducing foods back into my diet. I ate mostly fruits, vegetables with black beans or hummus for a while and continued to loose weight and feel pretty good. Then as I introduced other foods back in, I began to have cravings again. Munchkie's daddy just doesn't understand these cravings and would always roll his eyes at me. It is like an addiction, I would want something like chocolate cake and it was all that I could think about. I would salivate just thinking about chocolate cake and would not stop until I had some. I tried to do this detox several more times, knowing how good I felt at the end of it, but every time I tried, I seriously could not get the juice down. I would remember how I had to literally gag it down the first time around and could even suck the juice up a straw before I was gagging into the sink.
| Image from Amazon.com |
This summer I heard about and read a book by Tim Ferriss "The 4-Hour Diet." After reading the almost six hundred of pages full of research and crazy tests that he did on himself- including implanting a blood glucometer and checking his blood sugar with finger sticks several times a day to verify accuracy I tried out his eating plan. I really liked that his plan included six days of strict eating plans and then on the seventh day, it's a free day. His plan includes eating vegetables, beans and lean proteins at every meal. No dairy, fruit or carbohydrates of any kind during these six days. Now, I live on dairy, fruit and carbs. This was extremely difficult to do, but as he said, keep track of what you are craving and eat it on the seventh day. Each week it would take several days to go through "withdrawal" and dealing with the intense cravings that consumed my thinking and by the end of the week I would finally be getting over it. I would start feeling great, having more energy, feeling full, eating less, etc. Then the seventh day would come and I would eat all of those things that I had been thinking about all week- yogurt, chocolate, fruit, bread, cake, etc. When the next week began, I would go through all of those withdrawal symptoms again and sometimes, when I was feeling weak, I just couldn't fight them. With the stress of all the changes in our lives, all it took was a bad day at work to send me straight to my friends Ben and Jerry.
For a while I had been telling Munchkie's Daddy that so many people talk about how much better they felt after going gluten free. I really wanted to try it out and he was extremely resistant. See, when I am on my latest diet, he gets sucked in, somewhat unwillingly. These diets were only the major ones that influenced me the most, but I also tried several other ones inbetween. I knew that when I eliminated carbohydrates I felt better, it's just really hard. I read up on gluten sensitivity and while I do not think that I have anything remotely close to celiac disease, I know that my body does better without something- and perhaps it's gluten. So this led me to decide to try gluten free out. One of the blogs that I read frequently, Deliciously Organic, recently posted about reading the book "Wheat Belly" by William Davis and so today when I had a little bit of free time I bought the book and sat in Barnes and Noble reading.
I was immediately drawn into this book. Dr. Davis is a cardiologist in Milwaukee and came upon his term "wheat belly" after he couldn't figure out why he was overweight while running everyday and eating a diet with healthy whole grains. He says that this kind of belly has been called a beer belly because only big beer drinkers had them. But what is beer made of? Grains- wheat, barley. So he terms it a "wheat belly" because it wasn't the beer causing the belly, it was the wheat intake and so now people of all ages and backgrounds have beer bellies. While I'm only partway through the book so far, it makes complete sense why I felt so much better on the 4-Hour Diet, but then couldn't handle the cravings at the start of each week. It also explains why after giving up sweets each Lenton season I have decreased urges to eat sweets, but as soon as my first bite on Easter, all of the cravings are back. Or why after a sugary carb heavy breakfast I feel lethargic and sick to my stomach for a while, then a couple hours later, am starving. He explains (in a very scientific and a little over my head way) how the wheat of today is nothing like the wheat of even 60 years ago. He explains exactly how wheat has been genetically modified- both in nature and by humans to become something almost unrecognizable. Here are a few excerpts from his book that really hit me.
"Flip through your parents' or grandparents' family albums and you're likely to be struck by how thin everyone looks. The women probably wore size-four dresses and the men sported 32-inch waists. Overweight was something measured only by a few pounds; obesity rare.......The women of that world didn't exercise much at all. (It was considered unseemly, after all, like having impure thoughts at church.) How many times did you see your mom put on her jogging shoes to go out for a three-mile run? Exercise for my mother was vacuuming the stairs......And yet, we're getting fatter and fatter every year." (page ix)
"Many overweight people, in fact, are quite health conscious. Ask anyone tipping the scales over 250 pounds: What do you think happened to allow such incredibly weight gain? You may be surprised at how many do not say 'I drink Big Gulps, eat Pop Tarts, and watch TV all day.' Most will say something like 'I don't get it. I exercise five days a week. I've cut my fat and increased my healthy whole grains. Yet I can't seem to stop gaining weight!'" (page 5)
"An interesting fact: Whole wheat bread (glycemic index 72) increased blood sugar as much as or more than table sugar, or sucrose (glycemic index 59), (Glucose increased blood sugar to 100, hence a glycemic index of 100.)" (pages 8-9)
"I still get shivers when a well-dressed, suburban soccer mom desperately confesses to me, 'Bread is my crack. I just can't give it up!' Wheat can dictate food choices, calorie consumption, timing of meals and snacks. It can influence behavior and mood. It can even come to dominate thoughts." (page 44)
"In lab animals, administration of naloxone blocks the binding of wheat exorphins to the morphine receptor of brain cells. Yes, opiate-blocking naloxone prevents the binding of wheat-derived exorphins to the brain. The very same drug that turns off the heroine in a drug-abusing addict also blocks the effects of wheat exorphins." (page 49) He spends the paragraphs before this explaining that it was found that wheat acts in our brain the same way that morphine would, creating a "runner's high."
"What happens if normal humans are given opiate-blocking drugs? In a study conducted at the Psychiatric Institute of the University of South Carolina, wheat consuming participants given naloxone consumed 33 percent fewer calories at lunch and 23 percent fewer calories at dinner (a total of approximately 400 calories less over the two meals) than participants given a placebo. At the University of Michigan, binge eaters were confined to a room filled with food for one hour. Participants consumed 28 percent less wheat crackers, bread sticks, and pretzels with administration of naloxone. In other words, block the euphoric reward of wheat and calorie intake goes down, since wheat no longer generates the favorable feelings that encourage repetitive consumption." (pages 50-51)
I am looking forward to finishing this book and seeing what his suggestions are. The more I read gluten free blogs I see that those who have eliminated gluten don't really even want baked goods that much anymore because they just don't appeal to them. They are able to create all kinds of gluten free goodies now with the help of other flours, but the desire to eat breads or sweets just isn't there. I think that an occasional piece of cake made from alternate flours or rice flour crackers would help me to not feel deprived, but at the same time, not lead to the cravings that I have such a difficult time fighting.
Does anyone have any input here? I would love to hear what others think.
Sunday
New Home: Munchkie's Room
My goal is to post a room a day this week. This means that I need to get a room a day organized and decorated. I am starting with Munchkie's room because it's so important for her to feel some normalcy in her life. We've noticed that while she is one of the most adaptable kids you'll ever meet, she has been showing signs of the stress in our lives. We have been having quite a few laying on the ground screaming moments and as we understand, it's usually due to a loss of control. The busier we were, the more these moments reared their ugly faces which was incredibly inconvenient since we would be busy, but it was a very important reminder that we need to provide more normalcy. So I did all I could to get her room together first. Here is the completed for now room.
Friday
MY Mama Never Said There'd Be Days Like This!
Well, at least if my mom did tell me there would be days like these, I didn't listen to her. To start, I am writing this at 2:09 am. I worked Friday night through Wednesday night with Monday night "off", which means that I spent at least part of the day sleeping for work, working or sleeping from work, Friday through Thursday and spent over 63 out of 133 hours at work. Ugh! Today I intentionally only allowed myself a few hours sleep in the hopes that I would be able to sleep tonight. Nice try!
While working so much there was absolutely no way that I could even fathom thinking up, making and cleaning up after a meal. I have never been so thankful for Chipotle in all of my life. I was able to "provide" a meal that was full of veggies, beans, and meat free of hormones or antibiotics. It was a delicious meal that fed us that night, then Munchkie and Munchkie's Daddy the next day for lunch as well.
I just don't ever think that I realized how tired a person could be. Emotionally and physically. All this work, prep for traveling to the in-laws this weekend, more work, traveling 17 hours to the family lakehouse, more work and then moving is a lot for one little family to handle! I just never expected my life to be like this. So busy all of the time that I can barely keep my head on straight, let alone do things that are enjoyable. On Tuesday when I woke up I took Munchkie to daycare, Munchkie's Daddy to work, came home, got a quick work out in, showered, dashed off to the dentist, came home, tried to sleep for a couple hours, got my dinner and Munchkie's lunch ready for the next day, laid her outfit out, while trying to have some quality time with the family at the same time as I was getting ready for work. Whew!
So how is it, that after this exhausting week I cannot fall asleep? How is this possible? Probably a lot of it has to do with the fact that when my head hits the pillow it starts running like crazy. Making lists for the store, making lists of things to pack for this weekend, making lists of things to pack for two weeks from now, figuring out what days I can get all of the laundry done, plotting out a Word document of all the things we need to measure at the new apartment next week, who I need to call to catch up with and meals I can put together or bring with me to keep eating healthy during these busy times.
Throughout this I am finding it even more important to deliberately spend time with my family. Something I thought just happened. I never realized that you have to specifically set aside time to spend with those you live with. Through all of this we are trying to make time to get a little movement in together. This actually works out beautifully, we go walking on paths by our house laughing, talking and playing together. We look for animals and identify different sounds we hear. Then we sit on the rock and watch for boats to go by before heading back watching out for rocks and roots. Taking this time in the quiet, peaceful outdoors has really showed me how great it is to spend time moving as a family, it makes those busy times just melt away for a little while.
While working so much there was absolutely no way that I could even fathom thinking up, making and cleaning up after a meal. I have never been so thankful for Chipotle in all of my life. I was able to "provide" a meal that was full of veggies, beans, and meat free of hormones or antibiotics. It was a delicious meal that fed us that night, then Munchkie and Munchkie's Daddy the next day for lunch as well.
I just don't ever think that I realized how tired a person could be. Emotionally and physically. All this work, prep for traveling to the in-laws this weekend, more work, traveling 17 hours to the family lakehouse, more work and then moving is a lot for one little family to handle! I just never expected my life to be like this. So busy all of the time that I can barely keep my head on straight, let alone do things that are enjoyable. On Tuesday when I woke up I took Munchkie to daycare, Munchkie's Daddy to work, came home, got a quick work out in, showered, dashed off to the dentist, came home, tried to sleep for a couple hours, got my dinner and Munchkie's lunch ready for the next day, laid her outfit out, while trying to have some quality time with the family at the same time as I was getting ready for work. Whew!
So how is it, that after this exhausting week I cannot fall asleep? How is this possible? Probably a lot of it has to do with the fact that when my head hits the pillow it starts running like crazy. Making lists for the store, making lists of things to pack for this weekend, making lists of things to pack for two weeks from now, figuring out what days I can get all of the laundry done, plotting out a Word document of all the things we need to measure at the new apartment next week, who I need to call to catch up with and meals I can put together or bring with me to keep eating healthy during these busy times.
Throughout this I am finding it even more important to deliberately spend time with my family. Something I thought just happened. I never realized that you have to specifically set aside time to spend with those you live with. Through all of this we are trying to make time to get a little movement in together. This actually works out beautifully, we go walking on paths by our house laughing, talking and playing together. We look for animals and identify different sounds we hear. Then we sit on the rock and watch for boats to go by before heading back watching out for rocks and roots. Taking this time in the quiet, peaceful outdoors has really showed me how great it is to spend time moving as a family, it makes those busy times just melt away for a little while.
Tuesday
Regression
I picked Munchkie up from daycare today and ended up staying for a little bit talking with her teacher. They document everything the children do from each minute they sleep, to each bite they take as well as every time they go to the bathroom. My poor Munchkie had wet herself at least 6 times, sometimes just minutes after sitting on the toilet. Yesterday morning by the time I woke up there was a pile of dirty wet clothes from her multiple accidents. This started happening last week after she would go an entire week without an accident.
It's amazing how much your own feelings can influence a child who doesn't even comprehend the feelings her parents are feeling. Right now I can not even comprehend all that is going on in our life. There have been way too many stressors and way too many tragedies in our lives lately. I feel like every time I log onto Facebook I see something else that adds to my prayer list and brings tears to my eyes. I don't understand why these things are happening to those I love, but I will continue to pray for the families of those going through difficult times.
I am also praying for peace and comfort to my own family. We are taking a several day hiatus from potty training, knowing that we will be traveling and celebrating the life of a close family member. We are hoping that upon our return we will be able to restore a happy, positive, peaceful environment to our home and begin the potty training process over again.
I am going to continue telling myself that regressions happen and it is not my fault that Munchkie is being influenced by the feelings of her parents. As a parent you want to protect your child from the negative things in life, but no matter how hard you try, they are touched by it. It kills me to know that my tears and my sadness are directly relating to her accidents, but I also want Munchkie to understand that emotions are not something to be hidden and covered up. I want to teach her that in difficult times we "pay to Sheshus (pray to Jesus)," in good times we "pay to Sheshus" and with his help, we can overcome all of the hurt and stress in our lives.
It's amazing how much your own feelings can influence a child who doesn't even comprehend the feelings her parents are feeling. Right now I can not even comprehend all that is going on in our life. There have been way too many stressors and way too many tragedies in our lives lately. I feel like every time I log onto Facebook I see something else that adds to my prayer list and brings tears to my eyes. I don't understand why these things are happening to those I love, but I will continue to pray for the families of those going through difficult times.
I am also praying for peace and comfort to my own family. We are taking a several day hiatus from potty training, knowing that we will be traveling and celebrating the life of a close family member. We are hoping that upon our return we will be able to restore a happy, positive, peaceful environment to our home and begin the potty training process over again.
I am going to continue telling myself that regressions happen and it is not my fault that Munchkie is being influenced by the feelings of her parents. As a parent you want to protect your child from the negative things in life, but no matter how hard you try, they are touched by it. It kills me to know that my tears and my sadness are directly relating to her accidents, but I also want Munchkie to understand that emotions are not something to be hidden and covered up. I want to teach her that in difficult times we "pay to Sheshus (pray to Jesus)," in good times we "pay to Sheshus" and with his help, we can overcome all of the hurt and stress in our lives.
Thursday
It's Just Not Fair
The ominous gray clouds weeping huge tears reflected the pain and sadness of the day today. As I sorted through my dark colored clothing options it was all I could do to keep myself together and not copy the gray clouds. I held it together while driving, parking and walking under the black awning. Seeing a familiar face with tears pouring down her face made me shake a little and after signing the guest book my eyes caught a box, with a pink fabric covering it. This combined with a couple walking into the room, holding and supporting each other as they moved towards the little pink box was too much for me.
It's just not fair.
A beautiful little girl was never given the opportunity to take a breath of air, to fill her lungs with oxygen. Never given the chance to open her eyes and see the light of the world. Her heart was never given the chance to take that first pulse on its own.
It's just not fair.
She brought her parents so much joy in her short life. The picture set next to the smallest casket I have ever seen showed her precious little nose and sweet little cheeks. She was just so beautiful, so small and so perfect.
It's just not fair.
I woke up this afternoon and since the moment I picked Munchkie up have held her, hugged her and kissed her. I am reminded of how blessed I am. Not one moment of life can be taken for granted. When Munchkie said "I wuv oo Mama" without me saying it first my heart almost pounded out of my chest. I will never again take for granted a moment I have with my family. I will never feel guilty again for walking into Munchkie's room at night just to watch her sleep. I will hug her close and breath in the scent of her hair every chance I get.
It's just not fair.
A beautiful little girl was never given the opportunity to take a breath of air, to fill her lungs with oxygen. Never given the chance to open her eyes and see the light of the world. Her heart was never given the chance to take that first pulse on its own.
It's just not fair.
She brought her parents so much joy in her short life. The picture set next to the smallest casket I have ever seen showed her precious little nose and sweet little cheeks. She was just so beautiful, so small and so perfect.
It's just not fair.
I woke up this afternoon and since the moment I picked Munchkie up have held her, hugged her and kissed her. I am reminded of how blessed I am. Not one moment of life can be taken for granted. When Munchkie said "I wuv oo Mama" without me saying it first my heart almost pounded out of my chest. I will never again take for granted a moment I have with my family. I will never feel guilty again for walking into Munchkie's room at night just to watch her sleep. I will hug her close and breath in the scent of her hair every chance I get.
Monday
A Day in the Life
I wrote most of this in the car on the way to my inlaws for Easter. I thought I would share a day in the life of Munchkie's Mama. And then I wonder why I'm tired.....
4:45am Alarm goes off, press snooze
4:47am Feel guilty for pressing snooze, so put glasses on.
4:50am Get out of bed and go downstairs
4:55am Take preassembled French toast casserole out of fridge, mush up defrosted fruit and put on top and sprinkle crumb topping over. Put in the oven.
5:05am Go back upstairs to Munchkie’s room and administer nebulizer treatment.
5:15am Put on exercise clothes and get DVD ready to go.
5:17am Put scrubs in dryer on wrinkle release setting because they were wadded up in the bottom of a laundry basket.
5:20am Begin torture aka Jillian’s 30 day shred.
5:35am Pull casserole from oven, resume work out.
5:55am Dripping in sweat, grab apple and quickly eat while getting ready for shower.
6:05am Take shower, dry hair, get ready.
6:32am Finish packing suitcase for Munchkie and I.
6:3 5am Run upstairs, flip lights on to wake Munchkie’s Daddy up and yell, “I’m late I’m really late get up get up get up!”
6:37am Come back downstairs, grab lunch, put on scrubs, sweep bathroom and kitchen for anything missed or left behind.
6:39am Put shoes and jacket on.
6:41am Dash out door with casserole, work bag, and tote with change of clothes.
6:58am Arrive to work and make it upstairs as fast as I can.
7:01am Swipe into work one minute late.
8:32am Have already realized that I forgot something, call Munchkie’s Daddy.
12:45pm Sit to eat a salad.
2:10pm Call Munchkie’s Daddy to see how things are going.
6:23pm Realize that I told Munchkie’s Daddy to bring the eggs, but not the egg decorating kit. He says he’s already got it.
7:33pm Get out of work, change clothes and walk out.
7:38pm Do some slight rearranging of car to fit self and more stuff into the car that already has two adults, two dogs, one toddler, two suitcases, three Easter baskets, Easter basket contents, medical supplies for the wheezing toddler, and several storage tubs to store at inlaws.
7:39pm Insert “Elmo’s Potty Time” into DVD player.
7:40pm Ask Munchkie’s Daddy about everything you can think of that might have been missed.
7:49pm Resort to fast food for dinner because there aren’t many options.
8:35pm Give Munchkie blanket, doll and Elmo and say it’s night night time.
8:53pm Realize that the Easter dress your mother in law made is hanging on the back of Munchkie’s bedroom door.
8:57pm Call work to laugh about it, because what else can you do.
9:01pm Tell Munchkie she’s not funny and that it’s night night time.
9:03pm Explain to Munchkie that we can’t go home yet to go night night because we have to go see Nana and Grandpa.
9:04pm Explain to Munchkie that her Uncle is away at college and will not be there.
9:10pm Tell Munchkie it’s night night time.
9:13pm Put pillow inbetween driver and passenger seat to form a wall.
9:15pm Tell Munchkie to go night night.
9:17pm Realize that Munchkie is dripping in sweat in her fleece pjs.
9:18pm Turn on cold air and start shivering.
9:20pm Begin to ignore Munchkie.
9:45pm Search gps for area stores.
10:08pm Arrive at Walmart.
10:16pm Try to hold back tears when there are no dresses to be found.
10:17pm Find dress on way out of store and figure out which is the lesser of the evils while envisioning the beautiful pink and white checked dress hand made with love.
10:18pm Join what seems to be one of many never ending lines.
10:34 Listen as the cashier states “You would think people didn’t realize that stores were open tomorrow” and reply “Well my excuse is that 2 hours into our trip to my inlaws we realized that my daughter’s Easter dress my mother in law made is sitting at home” then have cashier say “What is your problem mom can’t get things together?” Tell cashier “My problem is that I woke up before 5am, worked all day until 7:30pm and then started on the road” Cashier replies ”Ok, well you probably should have gotten it ready for your husband ahead of time.”
10:36pm Finally get out of Walmart feeling like the worst mom ever and resume travels.
11:25pm Soothe a crying Munchkie back to sleep.
11:55pm Soothe a crying Munchkie back to sleep.
12:24am Soothe a coughing, crying Munchkie back to sleep.
12:49am Tell Munchkie that it’s ok, we’re almost there the neb treatment is coming soon.
12:58am Arrive to inlaws. Run inside, set up neb machine.
1:03am Administer neb to a very cranky and sleepy Munchkie.
1:17am Literally fall into bed.
6:15am Alarm goes off, wake up and shower.
Happy Easter
4:45am Alarm goes off, press snooze
4:47am Feel guilty for pressing snooze, so put glasses on.
4:50am Get out of bed and go downstairs
4:55am Take preassembled French toast casserole out of fridge, mush up defrosted fruit and put on top and sprinkle crumb topping over. Put in the oven.
5:05am Go back upstairs to Munchkie’s room and administer nebulizer treatment.
5:15am Put on exercise clothes and get DVD ready to go.
5:17am Put scrubs in dryer on wrinkle release setting because they were wadded up in the bottom of a laundry basket.
5:20am Begin torture aka Jillian’s 30 day shred.
5:35am Pull casserole from oven, resume work out.
5:55am Dripping in sweat, grab apple and quickly eat while getting ready for shower.
6:05am Take shower, dry hair, get ready.
6:32am Finish packing suitcase for Munchkie and I.
6:3 5am Run upstairs, flip lights on to wake Munchkie’s Daddy up and yell, “I’m late I’m really late get up get up get up!”
6:37am Come back downstairs, grab lunch, put on scrubs, sweep bathroom and kitchen for anything missed or left behind.
6:39am Put shoes and jacket on.
6:41am Dash out door with casserole, work bag, and tote with change of clothes.
6:58am Arrive to work and make it upstairs as fast as I can.
7:01am Swipe into work one minute late.
8:32am Have already realized that I forgot something, call Munchkie’s Daddy.
12:45pm Sit to eat a salad.
2:10pm Call Munchkie’s Daddy to see how things are going.
6:23pm Realize that I told Munchkie’s Daddy to bring the eggs, but not the egg decorating kit. He says he’s already got it.
7:33pm Get out of work, change clothes and walk out.
7:38pm Do some slight rearranging of car to fit self and more stuff into the car that already has two adults, two dogs, one toddler, two suitcases, three Easter baskets, Easter basket contents, medical supplies for the wheezing toddler, and several storage tubs to store at inlaws.
7:39pm Insert “Elmo’s Potty Time” into DVD player.
7:40pm Ask Munchkie’s Daddy about everything you can think of that might have been missed.
7:49pm Resort to fast food for dinner because there aren’t many options.
8:35pm Give Munchkie blanket, doll and Elmo and say it’s night night time.
8:53pm Realize that the Easter dress your mother in law made is hanging on the back of Munchkie’s bedroom door.
8:57pm Call work to laugh about it, because what else can you do.
9:01pm Tell Munchkie she’s not funny and that it’s night night time.
9:03pm Explain to Munchkie that we can’t go home yet to go night night because we have to go see Nana and Grandpa.
9:04pm Explain to Munchkie that her Uncle is away at college and will not be there.
9:10pm Tell Munchkie it’s night night time.
9:13pm Put pillow inbetween driver and passenger seat to form a wall.
9:15pm Tell Munchkie to go night night.
9:17pm Realize that Munchkie is dripping in sweat in her fleece pjs.
9:18pm Turn on cold air and start shivering.
9:20pm Begin to ignore Munchkie.
9:45pm Search gps for area stores.
10:08pm Arrive at Walmart.
10:16pm Try to hold back tears when there are no dresses to be found.
10:17pm Find dress on way out of store and figure out which is the lesser of the evils while envisioning the beautiful pink and white checked dress hand made with love.
10:18pm Join what seems to be one of many never ending lines.
10:34 Listen as the cashier states “You would think people didn’t realize that stores were open tomorrow” and reply “Well my excuse is that 2 hours into our trip to my inlaws we realized that my daughter’s Easter dress my mother in law made is sitting at home” then have cashier say “What is your problem mom can’t get things together?” Tell cashier “My problem is that I woke up before 5am, worked all day until 7:30pm and then started on the road” Cashier replies ”Ok, well you probably should have gotten it ready for your husband ahead of time.”
10:36pm Finally get out of Walmart feeling like the worst mom ever and resume travels.
11:25pm Soothe a crying Munchkie back to sleep.
11:55pm Soothe a crying Munchkie back to sleep.
12:24am Soothe a coughing, crying Munchkie back to sleep.
12:49am Tell Munchkie that it’s ok, we’re almost there the neb treatment is coming soon.
12:58am Arrive to inlaws. Run inside, set up neb machine.
1:03am Administer neb to a very cranky and sleepy Munchkie.
1:17am Literally fall into bed.
6:15am Alarm goes off, wake up and shower.
Happy Easter
Saturday
Aquarium Day....... Again....
I have been reading a book that my good friend sent me "I Don't Know How She Does it" by Allison Pearson and while I can relate to a lot of what is happening in the book, it also makes me feel so much better that maybe I do hold my life together. I have laughed quite a bit in understanding of the situations and feel like there is finally a book I can relate to while being a working mom. The pure exhaustion, intense guilt of going to work and desire to "make up" for the time spent away from family. The book makes me feel legitimized in my feelings and helps me know that I am not the only mother who both loves and hates her job at the same time. I hate to go because it's so hard to leave but when I'm there I love what I do. Still, I think of the sacrifices that could be made to stay at home, not leaving my daughter in the care and control of someone else.
In the book the main character, Kate Reddy, talks about what an awesome responsibility parenthood is. She says that YOU decide what to teach your kids. It's up to YOU to help them form their beliefs, morals and ways of life. What you say, your children believe and your life is an example to them. She talks about how hard it is to not want your kids to drink juice, but then you aren't there every day to enforce these rules, someone else, that you are paying to grow close to your child, is the one who decides how the rules are followed through.
Now all this to say that I have been overly sensitive lately about having to go to work and leave my daughter in the care of people whom I barely know. I am giving them my daughter and my hard earned money. Something seems slightly wrong about this. So in my guilt, I have been trying to do fun things with Munchkie on my days off. We have gone to the aquarium weekly for a couple of months now because she loves it so much. We went to get our car washed several times in the last couple months just for fun, and I let her walk along beside me in Target because I want the time we spend together to be happy memories for both of us.
This week when we were at the aquarium I noticed (and obviously was bothered by it, or I wouldn't be blogging) that the other moms were giving me this look. We go first thing in the morning, just minutes after the aquarium opens, on a weekday when there aren't many people there. The moms look at me and give me this look. The only way I know how to describe it is "Aren't you just so glad that we get to stay home and do things with our kids? We are providing so much more to them by staying home and enriching their lives with outings such as the aquarium." I really am not imagining these looks. At first I thought I was just crazy, but then I realized that every single mom gave me that look. And the two dads that were there with their children had almost guilty looks on their faces. Probably similar to what I was feeling, the "I work so much and spend so little time with my children that I take them to places like the aquarium so we can have a good time together and talk about it for several days afterword while I continue to work and not be home." I wanted to punch these moms in the face and tell them that they have no idea.
While Munchkie and I were at the children's touch and explore tank, feeling sea stars and crabs, there were three moms, with their kids running around uncontrolled, talking. I overheard their conversation and had to roll my eyes. They were discussing the academies they were applying to get their kids into. The one mom asked if they had been to visit a certain academy and the responding mom waved a hand in the direction of a crazy young boy running around saying "well I don't know if we would be able to get in because we have to work on such and such." The boy couldn't even talk yet. Seriously? You spend your days discussing what you have to work on with your preverbal toddler to get them into an academy so they can be ivy league material?
This reminded me that there are many positives about the life we live. Munchkie goes to a daycare where she is surrounded by kids of many different backgrounds and ethnicities. She is learning to work well with others, use manners, share, respect those around her and look up to children older than her. She is well loved and knows that Mommy and Daddy can relax and have fun with her. We both work and she sees that working is a necessary part of life. Munchkie understands that household chores are shared by both Mommy and Daddy. She knows that she does not get everything she asks for and that she needs to work to achieve her goals.
While it still kills me to go to work, I also know that we have our priorities straight.
In the book the main character, Kate Reddy, talks about what an awesome responsibility parenthood is. She says that YOU decide what to teach your kids. It's up to YOU to help them form their beliefs, morals and ways of life. What you say, your children believe and your life is an example to them. She talks about how hard it is to not want your kids to drink juice, but then you aren't there every day to enforce these rules, someone else, that you are paying to grow close to your child, is the one who decides how the rules are followed through.
Now all this to say that I have been overly sensitive lately about having to go to work and leave my daughter in the care of people whom I barely know. I am giving them my daughter and my hard earned money. Something seems slightly wrong about this. So in my guilt, I have been trying to do fun things with Munchkie on my days off. We have gone to the aquarium weekly for a couple of months now because she loves it so much. We went to get our car washed several times in the last couple months just for fun, and I let her walk along beside me in Target because I want the time we spend together to be happy memories for both of us.
This week when we were at the aquarium I noticed (and obviously was bothered by it, or I wouldn't be blogging) that the other moms were giving me this look. We go first thing in the morning, just minutes after the aquarium opens, on a weekday when there aren't many people there. The moms look at me and give me this look. The only way I know how to describe it is "Aren't you just so glad that we get to stay home and do things with our kids? We are providing so much more to them by staying home and enriching their lives with outings such as the aquarium." I really am not imagining these looks. At first I thought I was just crazy, but then I realized that every single mom gave me that look. And the two dads that were there with their children had almost guilty looks on their faces. Probably similar to what I was feeling, the "I work so much and spend so little time with my children that I take them to places like the aquarium so we can have a good time together and talk about it for several days afterword while I continue to work and not be home." I wanted to punch these moms in the face and tell them that they have no idea.
While Munchkie and I were at the children's touch and explore tank, feeling sea stars and crabs, there were three moms, with their kids running around uncontrolled, talking. I overheard their conversation and had to roll my eyes. They were discussing the academies they were applying to get their kids into. The one mom asked if they had been to visit a certain academy and the responding mom waved a hand in the direction of a crazy young boy running around saying "well I don't know if we would be able to get in because we have to work on such and such." The boy couldn't even talk yet. Seriously? You spend your days discussing what you have to work on with your preverbal toddler to get them into an academy so they can be ivy league material?
This reminded me that there are many positives about the life we live. Munchkie goes to a daycare where she is surrounded by kids of many different backgrounds and ethnicities. She is learning to work well with others, use manners, share, respect those around her and look up to children older than her. She is well loved and knows that Mommy and Daddy can relax and have fun with her. We both work and she sees that working is a necessary part of life. Munchkie understands that household chores are shared by both Mommy and Daddy. She knows that she does not get everything she asks for and that she needs to work to achieve her goals.
While it still kills me to go to work, I also know that we have our priorities straight.
Friday
The Stress of Uncertainty
I don't deal well with uncertainty. I don't like when I don't know what's going to happen, whether it be plans for a weekend or the next five years of my life. I have been trying very hard to calm myself down and not allow myself to get caught up in the stress of not knowing, but it is very difficult. Our lives are in such an unstable place right now that it is wracking havoc on my ability to be in control. Throughout the entire application process for PHD programs I have chanted "God has a plan, God has a plan" to remind myself that sometimes I am not always the one in control. However, when the decisions started pouring in, and they weren't the decisions that I had planned on, it wasn't easy.
After several days of hardly getting a word out without crying, I am finally at a point where I can go about my daily business without Munchkie coming up and putting a hand on me saying "Mommy ok? No crying Mama." She is so sweet! While our future is still completely up in the air and we have quite a few difficult decisions to make in the upcoming months, I have to remind myself that "God has a plan" and so I need to move on and pray that we can make the best decisions based on what his plan is. We didn't plan on Munchkie, but what an AMAZING blessing she has been in our lives. I can only hope and pray that we continue to be bestowed with more blessings as amazing as she (without there being more kids involved, haha).
I found the lyrics to this hymn tonight and it really spoke to me.
I Know Who Holds The Future
~Ira Forest Stamphill
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
After several days of hardly getting a word out without crying, I am finally at a point where I can go about my daily business without Munchkie coming up and putting a hand on me saying "Mommy ok? No crying Mama." She is so sweet! While our future is still completely up in the air and we have quite a few difficult decisions to make in the upcoming months, I have to remind myself that "God has a plan" and so I need to move on and pray that we can make the best decisions based on what his plan is. We didn't plan on Munchkie, but what an AMAZING blessing she has been in our lives. I can only hope and pray that we continue to be bestowed with more blessings as amazing as she (without there being more kids involved, haha).
I found the lyrics to this hymn tonight and it really spoke to me.
I Know Who Holds The Future
~Ira Forest Stamphill
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
Wednesday
Little Girls Gone Wild: Why Daughters Are Acting Too Sexy, Too Soon
This is quite scary. Especially since I'm the mother of an almost-two-year-old girl. I don't want her to end up on a pole or in a rehab facility. I guess I need to start thinking about how I'm going to combat this.
Little Girls Gone Wild: Why Daughters Are Acting Too Sex y, Too Soon
Little Girls Gone Wild: Why Daughters Are Acting Too Sex y, Too Soon
Tuesday
Frozen Chocolate Covered Banana Coins
As I've already said I enjoy spending time in the kitchen, especially to relieve stress, frustration or a bad mood. Yesterday I first make breakfast for the fam, then a batch of granola bars, popped some of these in the freezer, tried out a homemade playdough recipe (fail on that one), then cut up a ton of peppers (for my dinner at work and Munchkie daycare lunch). I am trying very hard not to be stressed, but I'm just not doing very well with that. I guess I'll just keep spending time in the kitchen for now and keep praying for peace.
I want to start off by saying that I cannot stand bananas. I don't like to eat them, to have them in smoothies and will pick them out of a fruit salad. However, I do like them in things like banana bread and frozen. This is weird, I know. When I was little my mom would make us these frozen banana snacks. One was whole bananas dipped in chocolate, rolled in nuts and frozen while the other was sliced bananas and peanut butter in a graham cracker sandwich, again frozen. A little while ago I decided to make these to both bring me back to my childhood and also have a chilled chocolate snack available so I wouldn't turn to something way less healthy. I can pull a couple pieces out of the freezer, slowly eat them and have my cravings filled. They are super easy and the active part only takes a few minutes. I never really like dark chocolate, but the sweetness of the banana makes the dark chocolate much more tolerable, so I recommend trying out a darker chocolate than you think you would like, because the darker, the better for you.
Frozen Chocolate Covered Banana Coins
3 Bananas
3 large bars of dark chocolate
Almond butter (or any nut butter)
Almond pieces
Aluminum foil or wax paper
Freezer space
I want to start off by saying that I cannot stand bananas. I don't like to eat them, to have them in smoothies and will pick them out of a fruit salad. However, I do like them in things like banana bread and frozen. This is weird, I know. When I was little my mom would make us these frozen banana snacks. One was whole bananas dipped in chocolate, rolled in nuts and frozen while the other was sliced bananas and peanut butter in a graham cracker sandwich, again frozen. A little while ago I decided to make these to both bring me back to my childhood and also have a chilled chocolate snack available so I wouldn't turn to something way less healthy. I can pull a couple pieces out of the freezer, slowly eat them and have my cravings filled. They are super easy and the active part only takes a few minutes. I never really like dark chocolate, but the sweetness of the banana makes the dark chocolate much more tolerable, so I recommend trying out a darker chocolate than you think you would like, because the darker, the better for you.
Frozen Chocolate Covered Banana Coins
3 Bananas
3 large bars of dark chocolate
Almond butter (or any nut butter)
Almond pieces
Aluminum foil or wax paper
Freezer space
- First cut the banana lengthwise.
- Then cut the bananas into one inch "coins"
- Place a small dab of almond butter in between each piece of banana coin.
- Freeze these for at least an hour, preferably until firm.
- Take the chocolate bars and break up into small pieces.
- Once the bananas are frozen, melt the chocolate in a small pan.
- Dip the banana coins in the chocolate and place on aluminum foil.
- Drizzle the left over chocolate over the top of the bananas.
- Sprinkle the almond pieces over top.
- Drizzle more chocolate over the top of the almond pieces.
- Freeze until chocolate is firm.
- Break apart and store in a Ziploc or airtight container in the freezer.
- Enjoy!
Monday
Nakey Baby
I'm not in the best of moods this morning. Not a lot has gone right in the last week or so.
First my computer died last week. You press the power button and the power button lights up for 3 seconds, nothing happens and then the light goes off. Cool. For someone with a computer/internet addiction, this has been difficult to say the least.
Then just two days later I woke up, went downstairs, turned the water on to brush my teeth. A trickle came out and then nothing. After multiple times turning all of the different faucets on and off, I realized that it was true, we had no water. This continued for four days. Four days without running water. Nothing like no running water for you to realize that constant internet access is not a basic necessity of life. Running water however, is. At least there was a lot of snow outside, we melted snow on the stove in our lobster pot and then used that to flush the toilet, give the dogs water, etc. I decided that simple living is not all that it is cracked up to be, at least not for me. I enjoy taking a shower, having clean clothes and washing my dishes in a dishwasher. The return of running water after literally shocking the frozen pipe with a pipe defibrillator was a very happy day.
Today another disastrous thing happened in our life. I actually think I might rank it almost as high as having no running water. This is how I was greeted with this sunny Monday morning.
I heard Munchkie awake and calling out so I went into her room. (Background: Because we are not morning people, we have been getting out of bed, handing her a couple books, and going back into our nice warm bed. She has enjoyed this, reading quietly in her crib for sometimes over an hour. In fact, the mornings that we have to go somewhere she is usually crying for books as we are getting her ready.) I hadn't put my glasses on and so couldn't actually see anything. I walked into her room, grabbed a few books, and turned around to hand them to Munchkie. In my extremely blurred vision I could tell something wasn't right. I said "this cannot be happening" and ran into my room to get my glasses. Munchkie Daddy said "what is going on?" I replied, "I need my glasses because I don't believe what I think I just saw."
After rushing back into Munchkie's room I realized that the terrible image I had barely seen was even worse with clear vision.
Munchkie had unzipped and pulled off her pajamas. She was then working on her diaper and it was only attached on one side. Apparently this morning Munchkie woke up and decided that she knew how to use a zipper and remove clothes. How can this be happening to us?
I then was in the kitchen making some breakfast when Munchkie came walking into the kitchen, pjs off to her ankles and dragging behind her. Diaper off and in her hand. Unbelievable. She did this yet another time, this time walking around with nothing but the rice paper liner from her cloth diaper stuck to her leg before I took the nakey baby upstairs and got her dressed for the day.
What are we going to do now? I am so fearful that we are now going to wake up to a complete mess every morning. Because Munchkie's Daddy doesn't like buttons, almost every single pair of pajamas are zippered. That way it's easier for Munchkie's Daddy to put on, and now easier for Munchkie to pull off. Fantastic.
First my computer died last week. You press the power button and the power button lights up for 3 seconds, nothing happens and then the light goes off. Cool. For someone with a computer/internet addiction, this has been difficult to say the least.
Then just two days later I woke up, went downstairs, turned the water on to brush my teeth. A trickle came out and then nothing. After multiple times turning all of the different faucets on and off, I realized that it was true, we had no water. This continued for four days. Four days without running water. Nothing like no running water for you to realize that constant internet access is not a basic necessity of life. Running water however, is. At least there was a lot of snow outside, we melted snow on the stove in our lobster pot and then used that to flush the toilet, give the dogs water, etc. I decided that simple living is not all that it is cracked up to be, at least not for me. I enjoy taking a shower, having clean clothes and washing my dishes in a dishwasher. The return of running water after literally shocking the frozen pipe with a pipe defibrillator was a very happy day.
| http://www.rohitn.com/images/green/water_faucet.jpg |
I heard Munchkie awake and calling out so I went into her room. (Background: Because we are not morning people, we have been getting out of bed, handing her a couple books, and going back into our nice warm bed. She has enjoyed this, reading quietly in her crib for sometimes over an hour. In fact, the mornings that we have to go somewhere she is usually crying for books as we are getting her ready.) I hadn't put my glasses on and so couldn't actually see anything. I walked into her room, grabbed a few books, and turned around to hand them to Munchkie. In my extremely blurred vision I could tell something wasn't right. I said "this cannot be happening" and ran into my room to get my glasses. Munchkie Daddy said "what is going on?" I replied, "I need my glasses because I don't believe what I think I just saw."
After rushing back into Munchkie's room I realized that the terrible image I had barely seen was even worse with clear vision.
Munchkie had unzipped and pulled off her pajamas. She was then working on her diaper and it was only attached on one side. Apparently this morning Munchkie woke up and decided that she knew how to use a zipper and remove clothes. How can this be happening to us?
I then was in the kitchen making some breakfast when Munchkie came walking into the kitchen, pjs off to her ankles and dragging behind her. Diaper off and in her hand. Unbelievable. She did this yet another time, this time walking around with nothing but the rice paper liner from her cloth diaper stuck to her leg before I took the nakey baby upstairs and got her dressed for the day.
What are we going to do now? I am so fearful that we are now going to wake up to a complete mess every morning. Because Munchkie's Daddy doesn't like buttons, almost every single pair of pajamas are zippered. That way it's easier for Munchkie's Daddy to put on, and now easier for Munchkie to pull off. Fantastic.
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