How Dreams Change....

I love Pinterest, I can not even tell you how many things I've done from there.  However, a lot of people have "boards" of their dream home.  These huge beautiful kitchens, elaborate bathrooms and immaculate yards.  It seems that every time I look at Pinterest I am bombarded by huge perfect homes.  I was talking with Munchkie's Daddy and we were laughing together over how much things change in a few short years.  I used to think that these houses were exactly what I wanted.  Room after room after room, rooms for all kinds of purposes.  Now, after having lived in a variety of interesting places (the best way to describe them) our desires in a home have changed.  I guess by the time Munchkie's Daddy is finished with school we will have even more ideas of what a dream home consists of, five more years of thinking about it may add some things to the list. 

Things in our dream home (Munchkie's Daddy is contributing to this)

• A dishwasher (this is #1)
• Weather proof (no drafts, and by drafts I mean snow drifts in the living room or having to wear coats inside)
• Smallish yard - we don't like to spend our time doing yardwork
• Closets that fit all of our clothes (and realistically we don't have that much)
• A bathroom that is not in an awkward spot, like off the kitchen or dining room or really anywhere that food is.
• A bathroom that has room to hang the families' towels.
• A washer and dryer in an easily accessible place, but again, not in the dining room
• If there are stairs to the washer and dryer, they are inside the house.
• An office for Munchkie's Daddy so he doesn't have to sit behind a room divider with headphones on to study
• To be able to stand up straight in the shower
• Space to fit more than four people in a living room comfortably
• A room that guests could actually sleep in and have a door
• A garage so that we don't have to shovel out our car every snow storm
• A full size refrigerator that will fit a gallon of milk
• Solar energy so that electric and gas bills aren't sky high
• Somewhere you can choose to make changes 
• For cell phones to work inside.  Well maybe outside too.

For now we will be happy in our small cozy apartment and be thankful that there is less to clean.

Taking Baby Steps

Lately I've been feeling like I can hardly hold things together. I feel like I can't do anything well.  I think that a lot of it is our "fresh" start, which feels more difficult than fresh.  I had set all of these goals and guidelines for myself when we moved and I feel as thought I have let my family and myself down.  The very first blog I started reading was Simple Mom and somehow she has managed to post something at the exact time that I needed it.  It is beyond eery the timing of her posts.  I have commented on this to Munchkie's Daddy and close friends several times, and it's happened again.  Tsh (that's her name, interesting isn't it?) recently had a post on Imperfection and discussed how we cannot be perfect, then another blog I read Simple Organic posted The Truth About What I Don't Do inspired by Tsh's post..  I really appreciated reading that someone else, someone who inspires me, isn't as perfect as I picture them in my head. This may sound weird, but it took a huge weight off of my shoulders.

I have been struggling with loneliness in this move, but then I guess I added a bunch of other unneeded stresses to my life as well.  I thought that I would magically love doing dishes, so decided that we could survive without a dishwasher to be "frugal" and "eco friendly."  I thought that somehow I wouldn't mind folding and putting away clothes, which just isn't the case, and it's even more apparent in a two foot square apartment.  I also thought that I would be ok with working in a hospital setting, rotating shifts between days and nights, working weekends and holidays, which is just really difficult.  I thought that taking public transportation would be the easy way to do things, not three to four times longer than actually driving.

I should have realized that the stressors of moving, starting over and flipping my way of life around was enough to deal with.  I shouldn't have added onto myself the need to be perfect as well.  Because that isn't obtainable.  Nobody's perfect, nobody does everything right.  I certainly am the furthest thing from perfect, and I think that the last few weeks have really hit me hard in these respects.  When I don't obtain a goal I set for myself I get so discouraged that I don't think I can obtain any goal I set for myself.  Which then makes me fall further and further from the direction I was going.  I get so overwhelmed by my backtracking that I have a hard time moving forward and this is the place I am in now.  I feel that I have backtracked on my goals and can't quite figure out how to start working on them again. 

As the article on Simple Organic said today, baby steps.  You can only take baby steps.  So I think that my baby step will be to go to bed, since it's late, wake up in a little while and after taking Ana to daycare, do the dishes.  I think that I will also write out my goals so that I have a list and once there's a list, there's a responsibility to cross things off.

• Do the dishes as they get dirty- not put them by the sink for later
• Vacuum several times a week
• Do laundry on a regular basis and
• put the clothes away as they are clean.
• Loose those last 20 pounds
• Exercise (I was going to say exercise more, but then that would be a lie, so we'll just start with exercise)
• Meal plan
• Cut out TV
• Sleep more at night, so I'm not tired and unproductive during the day
• Get out and make friends
• Complete the sewing project that I have all of the supplies for.
• Hang pictures on the walls
• Keep the kitchen counter clutterfree

I think that is a good start for now.  With some baby steps I think that I can get past this funk that I am in right now.

That's Some Stellar Parenting

I have felt like a stellar mother this week (insert dripping sarcasm here).  I am in no way a morning person and thankfully this job has eased me into the early morning thing with each morning of work being an hour earlier.  However, it kills me that I live a ten to fifteen minute drive from the hospital and yet, it takes me over an hour to get to work using the public transportation system.  The other morning I woke up at the still-night-hour of 5:45 to get ready to be at work by 8am. Munchkie's Daddy had his first presentation of the school year and was a nervous wreck.  I noticed that he wasn't in bed with me and when I went into the living room he was just lying down on the couch.  I told him to go to bed.  What good would he be at a presentation if he got next to no sleep, and the hour or so that he got was on the couch?  After sending him to bed, I rushed around trying to get ready.  As I was trying to get out of the door, a little face was smiling at me over a baby gate.  That sweet little face says to me, "Look Mama!  I wake up!"  Oh no!  Why?!?  Why did she have to wake up so early?!?!  I whispered to her, "Mama has to go to work, play in your room for a little while so Daddy can sleep."  Next thing I knew there was crying, no she didn't want to do that.  She wanted to be with Mama.  Naturally.  So I did what every good mother running out the door does.  I poured a bowl of cereal, filled a sippy cup with milk and turned PBS on, leaving the door to Munchkie's Daddy opened and raced out the door.  I was slightly late to work, but so were other new people, so I didn't feel so bad about that.  However, all morning I was a complete mess about running out the door like that.  Besides the fact that I don't really like that I am leaving my daughter most days with what feels like a stranger who's name I know, mornings like this make it extremely difficult to walk through the door and away from her. 

Today, I was scheduled to work for twelve hours, the shift that I will be working.  Somehow we got very lucky and they decided to cut our training a little short today, so I was home shortly after seven.  Normally I will be getting home around 8:30.  This means that I will be gone from before 6:00am until around 8:30am.  If I work two days in a row, I will not see Munchkie for those two days.  At all.  Oh, this is a very difficult realization.  While life in a city has so many advantages at times, being able to walk down to a market, having a huge aquarium or park nearby and having access to a very reliable public transportation system, it also means that it takes a while to get anywhere.  I just don't know how I will be able to handle this.  I love my family and my family comes first in everything.  Not being able to see Munchkie, hear about her day, talk to her or even get a hug is going to be extremely difficult.  I guess that it will be a learning experience for all of us. 

We will have to learn how to make the time we do have together incredible.  This makes it very difficult to want to do necessary things around the house.  I feel like even reading the mail is taking time away from spending time with Munchkie.  Right now I am writing this quickly, since she just went to bed and I need to do the same.  I cannot bring myself to set my alarm clock for any earlier than 5am, so I have one alarm set for 5am and another "no really, wake up now" alarm set for 5:15am.  Hopefully by the time I come home tomorrow, I will still be functioning enough to make Saturday a wonderful together time day.  Each day home has to count, has to make up for those days that the time spent together is only moments, if any. 

These few and far between times together, along with racing out the door leaving a crying child behind and not being able to provide more than a bowl of cold, dry cereal, does not make me feel like a good mother at all.  I don't know how other mothers do it.  I just don't.

New Home: Financial Makeover

With our recent move we've decided to do a huge overhaul on our finances.  Munchkie's Daddy is starting his doctorate program and is receiving a living stipend for the first time, small as it may be, and it's a huge help.  We have watched our friends all buy houses, and it kills me (and Munchkie's Daddy too I think) to continue throwing money away on rent.  We are currently living in this ridiculously tiny apartment so that we can save money on rent since this area is unbelievably expensive.  We both read Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and are going to begin to aggressively attacking our debt.  Hopefully at the end of Munchkie's Daddy's five year stent, we're going to be ahead a little bit and will be able to buy a roof over our heads instead of giving that money to someone else.

My good friend over at Our Tiny House recently posted about her family's plan to be frugal.  She stays at home with her super cute little girl and shares how they make it work on one income. 

Our Tiny House- My Frugal Family

I have always admired her thriftiness and creativity.  She's amazing at finding hidden treasures at garage sales and thrift stores, getting great deals everywhere she goes.  That combined with her organization and financial structure make her the epitome of frugal.  For example, her she talks about disciplined they are "First off, I keep track of every penny we spend, where it goes, what it was spent on. This way, at the end of the month, we can see where we went right, where we went wrong, and what we have."  She also gives an example of the things that she and her mother have found thrifting and garage saleing and it's incredible!  Click on that link above and read her plan, and I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.

New Home: My New Neighborhood

I've been trying to explore a little bit of the area.  I haven't been too great at getting out, but I love the area that we are living in.  We are just outside the city enough to feel more like a neighborhood.  I feel very safe and it's great to be able to walk to dinner, ride our bikes to the subway station or play out in the yard with the neighbor girl.  We have been to the farmer's market both Saturdays that we have been here and the fresh produce selection is great.  Yesterday they had music for the kids and the week before a craft table set up for kids.  This week, we saw a little guy that Munchkie goes to daycare with and his mom, we stopped to chat and found out that they are kind of on the same path we are and live just a few streets away from us.  I was then getting a cup of coffee at a coffee shop on a bike (yes, on a bike) and made a comment to a woman standing next to me.  Next thing I know, we found a connection via a mom website we both belong to and they welcomed us to the area. 

Tonight we went to a church that we have been looking forward to attending and we really enjoyed it.  We met several families around our age and a teacher said to me that there was another new couple she had just met that was living in the same neighborhood we were. It turns out that this couple lives on our street just a couple blocks away.  To top that, he graduated the same master's program that Munchkie's Daddy did (and the same year) and they have a mutual friend.  They moved here at the beginning of the summer (from the same town we just moved from) and told us such great tips about the area.  Where to buy meat, which little store has the best produce, etc.  It feels wonderful to make connections and even to find tips about the area.  I am beginning to believe that this truly was a good move for us and I hope to continue to explore and find great things in our area. 

The transition to this new area is such a different transition than the previous one we made three years ago.  The culture shock that we experienced moving from the Midwest to the Northeast was something we didn't expect.  I have been bracing myself for months to be prepared for another culture shock, but instead of have been shocked by how friendly and helpful everyone we have encountered has been.  We have already met more people in the couple weeks we have lived here than we did in months of our previous move.  Previously every single relationship that I had was a result of my work, and here I haven't even started working and already have made connections.  This is amazing to me. 

The downside to living in this area I have found is that Target is not very convenient to get to and Walmart is a ridiculous drive.  While this is kind of devastating, it will probably be good for our bank account.  Not making frequent trips to these stores will help me realize what's really important.  I won't be buying unnecessary things that catch my eye and maybe I can even spend the wasted time wandering the aisles being more productive in my life or even doing something like riding my bike to improve my physical fitness, or lack thereof.

Here is a little view of my new neighborhood.

The main street that we live off of has a beautiful view of the city.

The farmer's market on the town green. Plenty of tents set up with everything from fresh pastries to every kind of tomato possible to stone ground chocolates made right here.

Making a maraca at the kid's craft table with Munchkie's Mimi.

All of the amazing things we purchased at the farmer's market.  Fresh produce that we enjoyed every bite of.  Just look at the variety of tomatoes!

This restaurant caught my eye the first time we came through the area.  It has open windows, small tables and an interesting menu.  We could hardly pull Munchkie away from the window to eat her food, she loved feeling the wind blowing on her face as she watched the cars go by.  My lemon and ricotta cheese pancakes were wonderful and Munchkie had fresh squeezed orange juice for the first time.  She was so confused, she would take a drink and say "this an orange mommy?" and I would say, "yes, it's orange juice."  She was say ok and take another sip, then again say "this is an orange."  She didn't realize that orange juice was actually supposed to taste just like an orange.

We found this indoor playground when we went to check out the Habitat for Humanity Restore.  Another mom said that it was really good for those days when the kids can't play outside.  A big open space with lots of things for the kids to play with, and free wifi for the parents.

  

We saw these birds all lined up on the roof of the house next door, just hanging out.

 

We went to a restaurant down the road from us that specialized in southern cooking.  Munchkie's menu/coloring page said "Selections For Future World Leaders, Humanitarians and Rock N Rollers"

This is our church, it starts in the evening, which is perfect for us since we aren't morning people.  Tonight they had a bbq afterwords and we were able to meet quite a few people in the church. 

 This beautiful pond in a public garden is right in the middle of the city.

 I love this contrast, beautiful green grass, with a carousel and a park, surrounded by skyscrapers.

New Home: Living Room/Dining Room/Study

Yes, this is quite the combo room.  One of the reasons why it is the last rooms to be posted.  There were several projects that I had planned and I did finish some of them, enough to post pics at least.  Here are the before and afters.

Before

After

 Welcome to my living room.  Taken from the doorway.  The gray rug was the inspiration for the room.

 From the corner that the TV is in.

 From the couch.

From the dining room area.

 This is our bookshelf/TV stand.  I saw a picture on Pinterest where they used glass jars as picture frames and I loved it.

 I saved glass jars for a while until I had different sizes and shapes, then I took my favorite pictures and had them printed in black and white.

 I planned on using more mirrors to help the room appear larger, but for now, these are the mirrors that I have.  This is also my attempt at a arrangement with flowers and sticks.

 Our couch with our decorative wall.  We found this curtain at Ikea and then today we bought molding at Lowe's, spray painted it black and cut it to form a frame around the curtain. 

 This was something that my aunt gave us shortly after Munchkie was born and I love it.

 Welcome to my "Dining Room."  The table was a coffee table that we cut the legs off of.  We bought new legs for a few dollars and spray painted them black.  I found one chair for $4.99 at Habitat for Humanity's Restore and painted that black.  For now Munchkie's Daddy and I are using stools while we look for cheap, sturdy and perfect for us chairs to complete our set.

 I saw a while back this super cute idea where someone used old lightbulbs, hung them and put flowers inside of them.  I didn't have any lightbulbs, but I did have old spice jars.  So I decided to use those.  I put a couple faux rose petals in each one and then found some twigs outside.

 Welcome to Chris's "study."  I found two bifold doors, again at Habitat for Humanity's Restore, spray painted them gray today and Munchkie's Daddy hinged them together.  I think that we need one more set of doors to fully cover his desk so that I don't have to see the piles of books.

There's enough room for him, although he doesn't necessarily agree.  He calls it his dungeon.  

So there is our multipurpose room.  I still have several projects that I hope to complete in the near future, but it is definitely livable.  Although this room has a lot going on in it, I still feel like there is plenty of room and we feel good spending time in it.  If you notice, one thing that is not present in this room- toys.  We have a new rule, toys stay in your room.  I really like this rule.

New Home: Our Bedroom

I had a much better day today.  I was able to get a couple projects completed and our bedroom almost completely together.  Since it wasn't raining I was able to pick Munchkie up from childcare today on my bike and I think that being productive and getting out has helped tremendously.  I reminded myself that I have all of next week and spent some time online searching for activities that are going on next week and found a "Little Bookworms" activity at a local animal shelter.  They read a book to young kids and bring out an animal for the kids to see, pet, etc.  I am going to keep Munchkie home on Wednesday so we can do fun things like that.

So anyway, here is our bedroom before and after.

Before

Nightstand/Filing Cabinet Before

Nightstand/Filing Cabinet After

My first Modge Podge experience, with homemade Modge Podge from Pinterest.  Would have been better had I not ripped the paper while trying to smooth out the air bubbles.  I need to put another piece of paper over the top blue part.

After

 Slanted ceilings pose a little bit of a challenge.

 From the doorway

 Left door is to the hallway and right is the closet.

 Our new duvet cover that I love.  Naturally it was the first of hundreds that I looked at.  I had decided against it at first because it was a comforter in the store, but when I looked online they had it in a duvet cover (online only of course) and I was so mad at myself.  If only I would have looked online I could have known.  But then now I know that I really do like this one best.

 I made this using two ideas from Pinterest.  White canvas with hot glue gun to write and then painted over it all with white acrylic paint.  "You have my whole HEART for my whole LIFE."

 Since storage is limited, we have our bed on risers so accommodate storage tubs underneath.  A lot of our off season clothes are in those tubs, as well as scrubs for me, extra sheets and other things that we don't use every day.

 This is a writing desk that my aunt and uncle gave to us.  This is one of my favorite parts to the room.  Eventually the TV that is now in the living room with go in place of the picture.

 Oh yes, I have made this a "getting ready" center.  I used a mirror from Ikea and stuck that to the underside of the lid.  Then Munchkie's Daddy put a hinge on it to keep it open and I have my makeup and hair things inside so that I can sit and get ready at this desk.

 This is a cold air clothes dryer.  I received it for Christmas a few years back and we never ended up setting it up anyway at our previous home.  I really like it, you can dry your sweaters, pants, etc flat so that they don't get misshapen or shrink.  I'm glad to have found a place for it so that we can begin to use it again.

 Our laundry organization.  I find that if our clothes are presorted, it takes a lot of work out of the whole laundry cycle.  Taking the extra second, literally a second, to toss your dirty clothes into the correct hamper saves so much time sorting them before doing loads of laundry.

This is our not-so-organized closet.  I haven't really found the best way to handle our joint closet adventure yet. Right now things are still just shoved up on the shelves and piled on the floor.

So there you go.  Another room down in our new home.  We can sleep in peace tonight.  At least we can sleep in slight organization.

Time Off

I'm starting to get a little depressed.  I was so excited to have a month off of work during our move and now that month is rapidly coming to a close.  I had such high hopes to explore the area and spend time with Munchkie but I have been dwelling on the fact that I have to go back to work soon.  I think that since Munchkie has started her childcare, I am spending my days alone and it makes me sad.  I am here with time off so that I can spend it with her.  But instead, I am home, and she is under the care of someone else. 

I know that she is having a lot of fun and talks about all of the kids that she plays with.  I know that she needs the interaction with other kids and the time away from family to learn in other ways.  However, I also know that I like to spend time with Munchkie.   I think she's getting tired of my "lovin" but she still gives me hugs and kisses when I ask.  We also have been snuggling on the couch when she gets home. 

I'm hoping that by writing out my fears here, I can get past them and get my behind into gear.  I have just over a week left of my time off and I need to make the most of it instead of dwelling on the time that I don't have off.  I need to stick to my room a day organization and do things like make it to the DMV to get a new license.  Hopefully tomorrow's post will have pictures of my completed bedroom.

New Home: Kitchen

The kitchen is really important to have unpacked so that you can start to feed your family at your own home.  I was so ready to have fresh, homecooked food that I really wanted to get my kitchen functioning.  Munchkie's Daddy said that once we had a functioning house I could start decorating and crafting out the projects I wanted to do.  With the help of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law we got my kitchen to working order in no time!  Here it is.  I actually am going to include before and after shots.

Before

 These are when the landlord was still working on the place.

 

After

 I love that I have this big open space and large counter.  I am going to try to keep it cleared off so that it is available for work space.  I do really like this part of my kitchen.

 This is the cluttered space, the kennel will hopefully be replaced soon with a mobile dishwasher.

 The sink area, had to put the plates on the counter because there just wasn't any good place to put them.  The silverware drawer is just below them.  My refrigerator may not look that small, but trust me, it's SMALL.

 These are my coffee and tea drawers.  My mother-in-law says to me, "maybe you should avoid buying any more tea until you drink what you already have."  If only she could see my own mother's tea cabinet- yes a full cabinet of tea.

 The cabinet is one big long cabinet, had to stuff as much stuff in there as I could.

 Another cabinet full of stuff.

 We had to put our glasses, mugs, travel mugs and water bottles in the bottom drawer, then above that are storage containers and Munchkie's plates, bowls and cups.

A peak inside my refrigerator just to show you how small it is.  I'm not even sure that a gallon of milk will fit.  I have to be organized with it as well.  I am trying out the green bags for my farmer's market produce and have fridge binz from Habitat for Humanity Restore warehouse for more organization.