But I have a lot of self doubt. Who would want to read about my struggles to just survive. You know that everyone only posts the great things about their lives on those equally addicting social networks. But what you don't know that their bathroom shower actually has mold growing in it while they are posting about how great that homemade loaf of whole wheat bread smells baking in their breadmaker.
Oh shoot, those are my posts.
Well not everyone is perfect.
I sit on my couch and read all these blogs and wish that I could be that perfect mom. You know, the one who stays home all day, makes every meal from scratch, has the perfectly immaculate and basically sterilized home, are so frugal that they buy their week's groceries while spending $1.72 wearing the same size 0 jeans from jr high because they lost all their baby weight the day the baby was born, AND their kids are always perfectly dressed. (Ugh, I'm getting that sinking feeling in my stomach even as I type this.)
But then I look up. And I see this clearance shelf purchase I made several years ago at an after Christmas sale. It is made of those fake red plastic coated styrofoam cranberries and spells out the word JOY. Even though this is a Christmas decoration I keep it up all year round. I have moved it from house to apartment to house and keep it in a highly visible location.
I remember that I need to have joy. Joy in all situations. Joy while I take care of someone else's kids for 13 hours at a time while my own child is at home without me. Joy while Munchkie is face down on the ground screaming because I won't let her watch Elmo on "DDD" again. Joy while I am so tired that we get Chinese take-out instead of cooking a "real food" meal. Joy while I try to get makeup stains out of toddler clothes because someone wanted to be like Mommy. Joy while a sloppy wet kiss is planted smack on my lips. Joy while the beautiful white swans are floating on the water out my window. Joy while blessings are showered on me.
See where this is going? Something as small as a fake cranberry covered Christmas decoration can remind you that life isn't as bad as you think. Basically you can do anything with a little joy. With a hopeful attitude and a desire to share who I am, I am starting this blog.
I hear you!
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